I found myself very restless on the meditation cushion this morning…and yesterday morning I didn’t find myself on the cushion at all! So I have to admit that, while I’m loving the sunny days, spring is having its effect on my spiritual practice! Why bother, you might ask, to take time to sit still when there’s washing to be hung and gardening to be done….let alone all the more delightful activities enabled by extra time in bed in the morning?!

I pondered this while watching my restless mind and body this morning and some thoughts by my first teacher Shunryu Suzuki came to me. He said that when we sit in meditation “we resume our fundamental activity of creation”. This first type of creation is the still space, the blank page or canvas…then comes activity, production and all that we usually think of as ‘creative’. He calls the first type of creation by the Zen word ‘zazen’ and he also calls it God. He says “Usually everyone forgets about zazen. Everyone forgets about God. They work very hard at… all kinds of creation, but God does not help the activity. This is why we have so many problems in this world. When we forget the fundamental source of our creating, we are like children who do not know what to do when they lose their parents.”

Sometimes I actually experience this when I meditate, in a way that simply but genuinely transforms my day. I start off physically and mentally restless (or drowsy) but after a while of physically restraining myself from getting up or falling asleep, I do start to settle. By focussing gently on simply breathing, even my restless or drowsy mind starts to settles. The clouds of planning the day and worrying about money don’t magically disappear but the blue sky space of simply breathing gets bigger around them and I become more aware of that space and less focussed on all the busyness that I usually fill it with. I know this sounds obvious but sometimes one just has to state the obvious…and get on with exploring it!

Which brings me to another thought. What I love about spiritual practice is that it’s about discovering the reality of your life for yourself. There are guides but there aren’t fixed rules or truths…it’s all about gnosis ( to use another word)… a ‘knowing’ that is based in your own observation and experience. This is something that I really want to stand up for. These days I’m not really convinced by any beliefs, but I am interested in reflecting on living and in the thoughts of those who have lived reflectively. In this vein I’m really enjoying The Gnostic Bible that Joyce gave me for Christmas and so I’ll end with a thought from the Gospel of Thomas…

Know what is in front of your face and what is hidden from you will be disclosed